New Jersey: The Promised Land--Embroidery

Every once in a while someone asks me if they can use my blog to help promote their book. I don't mind as long as they come up with a reason why New Jersey is the promised land. Marshall Karp, a former New Jersey-ite, and author of the very funny FLIPPING OUT agreed. And his take on NJ is out there. Of course I'll have my take after his post. Enjoy!


Every now and then, I make a deal with the devil. In this case the devil is Dave White, and the deal was that if I wrote one of his New Jersey is Better Than blogs, he’d pimp my new book Flipping Out. Well maybe he said he’d review it, but once you’re coughing up a blog gratis for another writer, you pretty much assume he’s going to publicly wet his pants over it.

Which bring us to Jersey.

I grew up there. From age 4 to 22 I lived in a little town that was annoyingly named West New York. West New York, New Jersey — an identity crisis with its own zip code. West New York, along with the adjacent town, Union City was (and still is) the center — the pulse — of one of the most exciting industries in America.

Embroidery.

How many sweltering summer days did I sit in my Aunt Gizzi’s yarn factory in West New York, slicing the remaining thread off industrial sized spools with a single edge razor blade, so they could be recycled and rewound with fresh yarn? These are the kinds of events that shape a young man’s life. And that’s the kind of summer fun a lot of lucky young kids can still look forward to. But only if they live in Jersey.

Oh sure, maybe it could happen for a few well-connected kids who live in Switzerland, but I’ll tell you where it can’t happen. Iowa.

And that’s the state I drew in the New Jersey Is Better Than lottery. Did I luck out or what? Iowa? Do they even have factories in Iowa? What do their kids do on a hot summer’s day — wander through the cornfields? Puh-leze. All that sunshine. It’s like Summer Camp for Future Melanoma victims.

When it comes to industry, New Jersey kicks Iowa’s ass. That smell on the Jersey Turnpike? Chemicals, baby. Six billion bucks worth. And what about pharmaceuticals and the biomedical industry? They don’t make Valium, Vioxx, and Viagra in Iowa.

What they have in Iowa is corn. Jersey has corn too, but it’s roasted, buttered, popped, or frittered — not distilled down so you can put it in your gas tank. And Jersey has tomatoes. The best tomatoes. Are tomatoes better than corn? I don’t know — try walking into a diner and ordering a bacon, lettuce, and corn sandwich.

A few weeks ago Iowa got something that Jersey doesn’t have yet. They legalized gay marriage. Before you get all PC and say, well that trumps Jersey, let’s take a closer look. So let’s say you’re gay and you live in Iowa. You get married and you decide you really want to spend your honeymoon on the beach, frolicking in the ocean, body surfing on the waves. Where the hell does a newlywed gay couple go for that in Iowa? Let’s see — New Jersey has 130 miles of beautiful coastline. You want to know how many miles of coastline Iowa has? Zero. Looks like the best time to get married in Iowa is October, and you can spend your honeymoon wandering aimlessly through a corn maze.

I think it’s pretty clear here that New Jersey leaves Iowa in the dust. It’s also pretty clear that I have held up my end of the bargain. And now, I’m going to leave lots of room for Dave White to write about my latest book. His topic: Why Flipping Out is better than The DaVinci Code.

Embroidery? Wow, I never would have thought of that one on my own! But that being said, NJ is the embroidery capital of the world. We don't mess around. Our shirts and pants are properly embroided and decorated. We make kids' blankets and stocking for Christmas like nobody's business.

Iowa (#15), however, what do they do? They Bedazzle! There's no skill involved in Bedazzling.

So take my word for it.... New Jersey is great for its embroidery skills!