More on Fear

So, I've been reading Lee Child's fantastic GONE TOMORROW. In the opening chapters, Jack Reacher is watching a woman on a subway. She's giving off the 11 signals that people give off before they're about to blow themselves up... a suicide bomber.

The day after I read that chapter, I got on the PATH train. As I was on the train, I noticed a guy who was giving off seven of the signs. My stomach twisted in knots, and I watched him the entire trip.

Obviously, I was fine.

But that brings me to a thought. Books can do something to me that movies can't. They can frighten me. JAWS never made me scared to go in the water. Modern movies are too computer generated to frighten me long term. They can startle me, but they can't fill me with dread.

IT made me think twice about walking past sewers. THE SHINING made me nervous about shrubbery (though not too much.).

And most thrillers find a way to make me nervous.

I think it's about the amount that's on the page. Books can back things up with facts. They can give me enough information to make fears legitimate. A suitcase bomb is much more likely on the train from Penn Station to Union Station in DC. Yikes.

Greg Rucka convinced me that there is no way to survive a subway bomb.

Books bring the facts. TV... movies... bring pictures. I know it's fake. I can rarely apply it to myself... my life.

Planes... well, that's a different story.

But what about you? What's more frightening? Books or movies? Why?

New Jersey: The Promised Land--THE JERSEY SHORE

Never has something ever been so synonymous with a state. The Jersey Shore is where it's at over the summer.

Want to swim and sunbathe? Jersey Shore.

Want to eat and drink? Jersey Shore.

Want to surf, boogie board, fish, boat, parasail? Jersey Shore.

Want to rid roller coasters, play boardwalk games, and avoid stepping on used syringes? Jersey Shore

The Jersey Shore is like 8,000 tropical resorts wrapped into one. It is warm and scenic and relaxing. It's even sponsored several MTV specials, from their summer at the Shore to their "True Life: I Have a Summer Shore Share." Never has some spurred more stereotypes, attracted more tourists, and had more drunken fist fights and arguments. You can swim for an hour and then clog an artery or two.

Who else has that? Louisiana (#18)..? PLEASE. Louisiana has, what? The mouth of the Mississippi? Please, a river that's not even named after the state is ends in... Yeah, they have New Orleans, but you can't find any stereotypes there. Are there even beaches in LA? Maybe something kinda along the Gulf of Mexico... but it's not much.

The Jersey Shore... stereotypical, sanitary (at least lately), and fun. You can have crazy (Belmar), fun and relaxed (LBI), nude (Sandy Hook), historic (Cape May), or kid friendly (Wildwood)... TAKE YOUR PICK!

Jersey rules.

The Secret Project

This is something I've wanted to do for ages. Since college at least. And I know it's goofy, but at the same time, it's going to be a ton of fun. I've always been a fan of radio shows. Whether it was Z-100s Z Morning Zoo in middle school, to Scott and Todd and Rocky Allen in high school, up to today and the Opie and Anthony show.

And with a lot of podcast popping up in the mystery world, I thought it was time to try out my own. But it's something I wanted to do on my terms. I didn't want to just read stories. I didn't want to only podcast short stories or talks about writing.

So I contacted my friend Krewer, a musical and technical genius, and got him involved. We decided to put together our own wacky radio show. So without further ado, I give you "The Dave And Krewer Show." You can decide whether I actually sound like Paul Giamatti.

Episode 1: "Bookworms," where--as the theme song tells you--we attempt to talk about our favorite novels. Featuring an interview with Sarah Weinman.

Listen to the show by clicking on the link. It'll either download it, or you can open it via iTunes or any mp3 player. I expect the show to appear on iTunes soon. It will be linked when it is.

UPDATE: It's on iTunes now.

LIVE BLOGGING: Twilight

So, in an effort to be involved with all the cool kids, my friend's sister LeeAnn lent me TWILIGHT. And what else could I do, but watch it... So here we go:

6:41: First trailer on the DVD... Hannah Montana? Nope, but it sets the move... More after the jump.


6:42: I just may have eaten some pink chicken. So now I have two reasons to puke tonight.

6:45: Shhh, movie's starting. What if I love it? OMG, thatz totes my wurst nitemare!

6:47: So, Bella or whatever is just going to mumble her way through this narration? I mean, seriously, she seems so happy.

6:51: This has Teen Movie written all over it. Wacky Ethnic guy comes to help out Bella with terribly witty dialogue. He wears a tie to school. He has no interest in her whatsoever. THAT WE KNOW OF.

6:53: HAHAHAHAHA NEW GIRL IMMEDIATELY ACCEPTED BECAUSE SHE CAN SPIKE AND IS FUNNY. Well, sort of funny. Okay not so much.

6:55: OMG IT'S EDWARD. He's so sullen. And pale. Just like Bella. Sullen and pale. It's like a scene from a movie.

7:00: Her line delivery is awesome. Especially in the narration. Can totes see why this swept the MTV movie awards.

7:01: Though I have to say, it's an interesting twist... having the new girl really liked, but she hates everyone.

7:03: Um, the sun is shining on Edward right now. He's not melting. Or sparkly. Or anything. Oh, wait it's raining. My bad yo.

7:05: Forty minutes later, Edward knows what questions to ask. The teacher never told them to shut up. Plus, does he have a really bad accent?

7:07 Okay, yes Edward just saved her using super strength, but the more important thing here is BELLA IS A TERRIBLE PARALLEL PARKER.

7:14: Is there a reason Bella looks like she's about to throw up the whole time. And Edward for that matter? Are they watching the movie with us? Because surprisingly, I'm making the same face.

7:27: Jacob's story. RANDOM. He's exposing them to the palefaces... without doing it... He's terrible. Stupid Jacob.

7:28: Woooooo random creepy people kicking boaters. Wooooo random bad special effects!

7:31: Wait... Bella can read?

7:32: Why does pensive and a constipated face=every woman thinks you're hot?

7:40: Text version of Kristen Stewart's delivery. "Whoa. What. is. going. on." Meanwhile, Edward can get all the answers.

7:43: Lady, eat something. Have a burger. See a comedy show. Lighten up. Sheesh. Dashboard Confessional is more cheerful than you.

7:45: "How old are you?" "17." "How long have you been 17?" "A while." Clever, but, um, not exactly true.

7:46: Why does she have to say it? Why can't he admit to being a vampire? WHY DOESN'T ANYONE MAKE EYE CONTACT IN THIS MOVIE? Holy Christ, this is stupid.

7:47: I love how she has to say "It's like diamonds" because the special effects are so bad.

7:50: "You have to tell me what you're thinking." Also, we have to get really close but never kiss. You see, there's this sexual tension... I can figure out why she loves him, but why does he love her? "So the lion fell in love with the lamb..." What a stupid l----ine.

7:53: Okay, he's been outside a TON in this movie, but has only glimmered or glowed or whatever... ONCE.

7:57: Wait, if you only survive on the blood of animals... that's technically STILL NOT A VEGETARIAN.

7:58: Recap: Edward loves Bella for no discernible reason. Bella loves Edward because he looks constipated and saved her life. There are other bad vampires out there. Bella is rarely happy. Everyone else loves her too.

8:03 "As in I would become the meal." HAHAHAHAHAHAH everyone laugh good naturedly. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Why isn't she RUNNING NOW???

8:05: Okay, see now I've got it. Bella is EVERY teenage girl ever. She can't dance, she's insecure, she's afraid, but doesn't want anyone to know it even though everyone can read it on her face. Edward loves her because that's what every teenage girl ever wants. The mysterious, tough, creepy guy to love her. However.... why does the story Edward love Bella? Like in the reality of the story?

8:08: OF COURSE HE CAN PLAY THE PIANO.

8:09: Oh hey, in the coffee shop... it's Stephanie Meyer on her computer. Maybe that's how the next novel got leaked? Too busy drinking her coffee. Meanwhile, Bella's dad is extremely forthcoming to the public.

8:11: Edward says, "I like watching you sleep, it's uh..." How about creepy, Edward? How about that? OMG, BELLA WAKE UPPPPPPP. This is not a healthy relationship.

8:14: The dad's about to meet Edward and the dad is loading a shotgun. CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE...

8:16: They're playing baseball??? They're timing their hits with the thunder? The dude with the hat just cheered "OUT WOO!" but made a safe signal. And they're playing in a thunderstorm with aluminum bats. This is not smart. Also... it's not raining.

8:21: I love how the Cullen's automatically know these vampires are bad, but have no idea who they are. Lots of good staring here.

8:24: Wow, Edward is making some rash decisions here. They promised they'd leave.

8:29: The Cullens accepted her pretty quickly. I suppose she's a really good umpire.

8:33: The mom just decided to come home... immediately. I thought they were on the road... She was home in like... ten minutes.

8:34: Maybe the mom was only around the corner. They lied to Bella because she was so mopey. "Yeah, um... me and your stepdad are going to travel." And then they went to 7-11.

8:35: From Oregon to Phoenix in 30 seconds. The travels of Bella Idontknowherlastname.

8:37: He broke her leg. Her expression barely changed. Okay, do these vampires even have fangs? And he just kind of gummed her. Not even really bit her.

8:41: "Death is peaceful. Easy." I was waiting for her to say "Comedy is hard." But nope... she mopes about life.

8:44: Kristen Stewart... MTV movie award winning actress.

8:47: "Bella." "Jacob!" "Hey, I'm here just to remind you I'm going to play an important role in the next movie, 'kay?"

8:49: Bella starts dancing. Everyone leaves as the song still plays. Take a hint. You were right the first time.

8:51: I look forward to the episode where Bella moves out of town for college and breaks up with Edward after an all night Frat party. Edward's heart shatters and he blood dials her every night.

8:52: They he eats her and catches something.

8:53: Radiohead gave out the rights to a song to this movie... Wow.

New Jersey Books Festival

Tomorrow I'll be participating in the Books NJ Festival. It's being run by the Bergen County Cooperative Library System. There are going to be a ton of writers there doing panels on everything. I'm going to be on the "Murder and Mayhem in New Jersey" Panel with Peggy Erhart, Chris Grabenstein, Ed Rand, and Brad Park at 2:30.


Please, if you have a chance, stop by... it's going to be fun.

Of Lyrics, 8th Grade Me, and the 1993 New York Mets

One of my former teachers approached me today with a stack of papers.

"Remember this?" he asked, showing me my own handwriting.

From 1993.

It was a poem (or song lyrics--the teacher was a music teacher) I had written in class. I have to share it with you. Commentary after:

"The 1993 Mets"

Alas the Mets-you do me wrong

To swing the bat-and miss the ball

And I have rooted for you so long-

Then watching you hit a triple play

The Mets-you stink this year

With the worst record in base-ball

I laugh as I watch you play-

You Mets-will lose-again today.

Okay, first of all, the obvious. I am a New York Yankees fan. I've always been a New York Yankees fan. So what's with the, "And I have rooted for you so long-" line? I remember in 1986 my father trying to talk me into rooting for the Mets. And it worked for a while too, mostly because in the game he had us watch Gary Carter hit a grand slam, and then Darryl Strawberry got plunked and started a bench clearing brawl. But that was 1986... I was in 1st or 2nd grade. I was a Yankees fan before that, and I've been a Yankees fan since. So.... why... why was I putting in writing that I rooted for the Mets?

My only guess is this: desperation. It worked for the song or the poem, and I wanted a good grade. Note the digs at the team "I laugh as I watch you play-"... Does that seem like a line from a fan of the team? No. So it's clear I just wanted a good grade.

Next... I can't quite figure out what the assignment was. It appears to be lyric writing or poetry. And I've seen of the other papers (from 1993), the theme was doing something for "so long." I picked the Mets. It was easy to laugh at a bad team, I guess, and I needed to do something for "so long." But were we supposed to rhyme all the line? Just a few of them? Hit a certain rhythm? If that's the case I swung and missed, just like the 1993 Mets.

And finally, the format is very weird. The dashes I typed in are all in the exact places where they are on my paper. I don't know why there are dashes in certain places. Was I trying to accent something? What? Any help here would be appreciated. Not to mention there are some very strange words underlined as well--or at least syllables... "las," "Mets," "do," "swing," "bat," "miss," "I," "root," "you," "watch," "you," tri," "play," "The," "Mets," "stink," "year," "the," "rec," "base," ball," "I," "laugh," "watch," "play," "Mets," and "day." There is no rhythm here either. The underlines just seem to be random.

Overall, this is a disturbing look at my 8th grade mentality. I was just trying to get through the class, randomly inserting lines and dashes, grasping at any little straw to make fun of. It's now clear why I'm a novelist, not a poet.